(Phineas P. Wutterbottom III was a reoccurring character I wrote as for The Duel. A critic and snob with dubious credentials, he was at hand to review anything we wanted. Here is “his” take on the offerings of the Hamilton movie channel for the month of December) By Phineas P. Wutterbottom III Hello again, plebeians!…
Category: Duel Observer Articles
Tensions Between Roommates rise in Milbank 44
Friendships Ruined Due to Argument Over Ownership of Leftover Pizza BASED UPON A TRUE STORY DEPT. (MILKBANK 44, DUH) Though the end of the school year is in sight, arguments between the six residents of Milbank 44 have reached new levels, and passive aggressiveness has given way to outright shanking. According to Chris Finch ’11,…
Root Preschoolers Violate Hamilton’s Honor Code, Amass Points
Time-Outs and No Recess Expected Seen Not Heard Dept. (ROOT DORM) Scandal erupted this week when Campus Police cracked down on violations of school policy committed by students of the Clinton Early Learning Center located in Root Dormitory. “We we’re stunned at the amount of debauchery that goes on at the preschool,” said director of…
Drunken Students Steal the Library
Quote: “If It Isn’t FIRMLY Bolted To The Ground, it is Free For the Taking.” COLLEGE IS A SCAVENGER HUNT DEPT. (FORMER SITE OF THE LIBRARY) Students and faculty alike awoke last Sunday morning to find that the Burke Library, a longstanding fixture and eyesore on campus, had been stolen. The culprits were found to…
Sophomore Has the Time of His Life at a Party
The Rest of his Life Will be Meaningless in Comparison. By Mr. Grebey ‘12 TOO AWESOME A TIME BRO DEPT. (MILBANK 44) Tim Gribble ’13 attended a Milbank party last weekend and drunkenly shouted that he “had the best time of [his] life!” He was unaware of the truth of that statement. The party started…